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The Adventures of Rob And His Lion!

photo by Rob Garrett

There I was, sitting at a stop light one day and I thought to myself…it’s been a long time since I visited the zoo, so I decided to go.  It was 10 p.m. but I was bored and that was my most exciting option.  There was always robbing another convenience store, but I’m trying to stay away from cameras now.   

I went through Riverside Park and finally reached the zoo, but unfortunately there was a cop coming and it was after hours.  So I turned off my car and started walking.  As I approached the gate, I noticed it was locked…just my luck.  So I did what any normal person would do…I pole vaulted over the wall!  It was a perfect landing too as I didn’t even have a big mattress to come down on. 

After I made sure my legs weren’t broken, I took in my surroundings.  And there in front of me stood that powerful and ferocious creature we call “The Lion”.  I said, “Hey lion, I’m breaking you out.”  I think it understood me because he growled really really loud and started running around.  I opened the lion den and hopped on board the lions back.  And the adventure started!  I felt as powerful as He-Man riding around on my lion.  What now though?  I’m riding on a lion around Victoria and not sure where to go. 

The lion made my decision for me and took off toward Wal-Mart.  Apparently he was hungry, because once we got there he devoured their entire stock of steaks.  I settled for a Snickers.  We left Wal-Mart and ran into a group of PETA workers…that’s when the chase began!  They were acting crazy and shouting at me and the lion, so we made a quick exit.  It wasn’t much of a chase, considering the fact that they were in one of those goofy looking smart cars blaring that darn Sara Miclaughin song.  You know the sad one on those sappy animal commercials. 

After the incident with PETA I was getting tired and had to work in the morning, so I took my new friend home and we parted ways.  After all the chaos that night, they shipped him off to the San Antonio Zoo and I haven’t seen him since.  I got banned from Riverside Park and the zoo, as well as that whole part of the city.  I plan to visit my friend soon, but bigger cities have more law enforcement, so wish me luck!

My lessons learned for the night:  don’t take a lion to Wal-Mart without permission, and pole vaulting fences is the way to go!  It’s a lot of fun, but watch out for the barbed wire around prisons…those are the worst!  Don’t ask me how I know!

And, if you’re wondering what name I gave the lion, it’s Danny.

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