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10 Things Overheard During Facebook’s IPO Announcement

Facebook Expected To File For IPO
Justin Sullivan, Getty

Just a few years ago, Facebook became a simple way for teenagers and old classmates to keep up with their friends while pretending to work. Now, it’s a billion dollar company with its own publicly traded stock.

The announcement offered its own share of shocked faces and flabbergasted statements. Here are some things that were probably said during Facebook’s IPO announcement. 

1. “Why did they hire that kid from ‘Zombieland’ to run the company?”

2. “Can someone get that homeless guy in the hoodie out of here? Oh sorry, that’s the CEO.”

3. “Pictures of ugly babies posted on the Internet by proud parents are up by 5 points!”

4. “If Zuckerberg makes billions off of Facebook, why does he still get his wardrobe from the Baby Gap?”

5. “General Dynamics won’t let us see their plans for their new rocket-powered missile, but the whole financial world can know about the dysentery I got in Mexico?”

6. “I’m about to totally get ‘poked’ on this deal and I’m not sure if that’s a good or bad thing.”

7. “Maybe it’s just me, but that janitor looks just like MySpace Tom.”

8. “The price is up? Like, like! Wait, it’s down? Defriend, defriend!”

9. “Facebook is on the stock market? What’s next? I can haz hedge fund?”

10. “I saw ‘The Social Network.’ It portrayed Zuckerberg as a conniving, cold and ruthless businessman who doesn’t care about screwing people out of their money. I’m surprised it took him this long to join us on Wall Street.”

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